Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Friends, Amended

I think this is important enough to reiterate and amend. What I wrote earlier this month was:

Hello Friends.

I have a tendency to lose contact with you. I get ignorant, myopic, and I often let you fall by the way and not take up correspondence with you for long periods of time. This is in part because I have to focus on one action so much that I lose time and energy to do anything else. Sometimes this action is writing, sometimes it is movies, sometimes it is even less shaped. I also have a very wide net of friends that have, since attracting new lifestyles, new knowledge, and new friend-nets to be the anchor of, dispersed themselves across the country. The connection with even the friends in my closest vicinity takes so much out of me. Dedication in full to such a large number of people is sapping. I apologize for this. Know that I will have the energy to keep connection with you and that I love exactly the exclusive thing each one of us share. You just have to prod me sometimes.

Yours lazily,

I would like to amend this by saying thank you, first of all, for creating me a world in which I have total support and trust. I mean this with my most genuine affection, my most candid love. I seem to too easily forget how great you are and how much you mean to me. I get lost in my own head sometimes, and I need people to pull me out. Not only do I ignore you, I actively ignore you, not only do I disconnect myself, I also lose empathy toward you. I apologize with all my heart. I will try to chisel this particular problem down to nil.

Shawn came over tonight and I showed my best friend our best creation and for some reason I have to be reminded of his worth to me. This, by extension, gets me thinking about everyone else.

It is not your lack of worth that makes me forget, it is my own idiot's memory. Thank you for putting up with it. I love you and couldn't be without you.

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